How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
