So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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