I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Pooping to opera.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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