I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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