ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
