I'm pants shitting drunk right now
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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