seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
