she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
