I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
