i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
