I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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