i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
