I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
