Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
