Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
