Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
