Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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