His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
and she was petting her beer can
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
