I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
