He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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