Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Green mimosas i think yes
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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