Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
