I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
