Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
