They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
