I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My vagina is very pro this idea
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