Grow some girl-balls and come out already
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
