I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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