Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish I only lived at night.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
