Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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