You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
