so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
