and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
