So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
