Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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