Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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