I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
