in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
