the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
