So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
