if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
