i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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