watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
