3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I could make wine with my vomit
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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