Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
