I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
