sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
