So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude i'm inner monologue high
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
