I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
