I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
