Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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