That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
