tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
