Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
